The end (or beginning) of every year calls for some time of reflection. Despite it being the first day of the year where most people would make resolutions and goals for the new year, here I am still holding onto the past year and asking myself, "what have I accomplished in the past year?" This was a question my friend asked me recently, and although it was probably meant to be a rhetorical question, I took is as an opportunity to personally think and reflect on the year that was. 2014.
Most years come and go without much significance but 2014 held so many emotional experiences that I don't think I can forget about it easily. From feeling the joys of celebrations and discovery to the feeling of loss, loneliness, disappointment and helplessness, it felt like I experienced the whole emotional spectrum. The past year held many challenges, both good and bad, that have definitely tested me but have also helped me to develop and improve my character. And I thought I would share just a few of the things that I have learnt from the past year(s) and am still learning:
1. Sometimes it's just all in your head.
I have always been a fairly self-conscious person- caring a little too much about what others think of me sometimes. I would often be afraid to approach people in fear of what I would say to them or what they would think of me. I would hold embarrassing moments against myself and be very critical of how I act. However, more than often, all this fear, second guessing and voice in my head that tells me that people are judging is just in my head and probably not a reflection of what is actually happening. There is often no need for rash and impulsive thinking and fears.
2. Never act on raw emotion.
Struggles and conflict are inevitable and often some of them strikes you in a way that makes something snap inside of you. In the heat of those moments (whether you are feeling angry, disappointed, upset), there are two choices: lash out (and hurt the people around you) or retreat, take some time to let yourself calm down and think rationally not emotionally. The latter is usually the better option. And this leads me to the next point...
3. Being upset is not productive.
It's okay to be upset (sometimes it's acceptable to have a good cry or punch of the pillow) but holding onto it is not healthy. Being upset conjures up all these thoughts of feeling depressed and alone..and if you hold onto those for too long, it becomes a never ending habit of feeling sorry for yourself. And eventually it will rub off on the people around you as well (and you don't want to be someone who everyone pities or worries about).
4. True happiness comes from selflessness.
This sort of links with the previous and first point. Thinking too much about what other people are thinking and feeling sorry for yourself is, in a way, selfish. "I don't know what to say", "what are they going to think of me", "I'm so alone" - it's all focused on me. I have learnt from giving up thinking about myself and my needs will make differences. And often I have discovered that while I am in my little hole of misery, life around me still goes on and my problems are small in the grand scheme of things.
5. Self- worth and confidence comes from within.
I used to depend on the people around me and their words of affirmation to provide me with reassurance and self-worth. But I, eventually and through the hard way, learnt that their words may be sweet in the moment but are futile and does not mean anything if you firstly don't have your own foundation of knowing your own self-worth. It takes time and work to find out what kind of person you really are and be confident being that person; and when you have done that, you won't need other people to dictate your self-worth.
Of course, these things are still works in progress and I guess I have this new year to work on them as well. I'm not really sure what this year holds or what new challenges are awaiting but I will take it as another opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them, and to continually grow in becoming a better version of myself.
Happy new year! :)
1. Sometimes it's just all in your head.
I have always been a fairly self-conscious person- caring a little too much about what others think of me sometimes. I would often be afraid to approach people in fear of what I would say to them or what they would think of me. I would hold embarrassing moments against myself and be very critical of how I act. However, more than often, all this fear, second guessing and voice in my head that tells me that people are judging is just in my head and probably not a reflection of what is actually happening. There is often no need for rash and impulsive thinking and fears.
2. Never act on raw emotion.
Struggles and conflict are inevitable and often some of them strikes you in a way that makes something snap inside of you. In the heat of those moments (whether you are feeling angry, disappointed, upset), there are two choices: lash out (and hurt the people around you) or retreat, take some time to let yourself calm down and think rationally not emotionally. The latter is usually the better option. And this leads me to the next point...
3. Being upset is not productive.
It's okay to be upset (sometimes it's acceptable to have a good cry or punch of the pillow) but holding onto it is not healthy. Being upset conjures up all these thoughts of feeling depressed and alone..and if you hold onto those for too long, it becomes a never ending habit of feeling sorry for yourself. And eventually it will rub off on the people around you as well (and you don't want to be someone who everyone pities or worries about).
4. True happiness comes from selflessness.
This sort of links with the previous and first point. Thinking too much about what other people are thinking and feeling sorry for yourself is, in a way, selfish. "I don't know what to say", "what are they going to think of me", "I'm so alone" - it's all focused on me. I have learnt from giving up thinking about myself and my needs will make differences. And often I have discovered that while I am in my little hole of misery, life around me still goes on and my problems are small in the grand scheme of things.
5. Self- worth and confidence comes from within.
I used to depend on the people around me and their words of affirmation to provide me with reassurance and self-worth. But I, eventually and through the hard way, learnt that their words may be sweet in the moment but are futile and does not mean anything if you firstly don't have your own foundation of knowing your own self-worth. It takes time and work to find out what kind of person you really are and be confident being that person; and when you have done that, you won't need other people to dictate your self-worth.
Of course, these things are still works in progress and I guess I have this new year to work on them as well. I'm not really sure what this year holds or what new challenges are awaiting but I will take it as another opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them, and to continually grow in becoming a better version of myself.
Happy new year! :)
this post is very nice :) Happy 2015 kwong face x
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